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CHRIS ARCHIVES

SOUTHWEST AIRLINES KEEPS THE SHTICK
By Chris Barnett
November 21, 2013 -- I can't remember the last time I had a totally enjoyable, flawless, fun domestic coach flight that I didn't want to end.

But last month I had a three-leg roundtrip between San Francisco and Milwaukee that was like a mini-vacation. And it was on Southwest Airlines, no less.

The trip was a throwback to the late 1970s when the then-regional discounter was spreading its wings. Perky, often irreverent flight crews were taking lots of liberties with FAA-mandated pre- and post-flight passenger announcements. Some Southwest flights were like comedy club auditions. It wasn't quite spring break on every flight, but Southwest in those days was looking for "luv." Leisure travelers and budget-conscious entrepreneurs craved Southwest's great fares and were willing to put up with gang-boarding, the grab-any-seat-you-want approach and that ultimate in-flight amenity, two bags of peanuts.

That's history, however, and most of us know it. Today, I consider 42-year-old Southwest a legacy carrier. Not a United or Delta kind of legacy carrier, of course, but Southwest has taken small but noticeable steps to pump up its profits. The Rapid Rewards frequent flyer program has been trimmed, too. That has annoyed, if not exactly angered, old-line Southwest flyers, who are thrilled that the carrier still doesn't charge for checked baggage or reservation changes. Still, Southwest's fares are stiffer these days, especially for walk-up business travel.

My "perfect" flight last month started with catching a $370 nonstop roundtrip from San Francisco to Milwaukee, no easy trick since most Southwest flights to Suds City are one-stop journeys. The fare was $100 higher than a Thanksgiving holiday special I purchased earlier on Southwest, but it was $500 less than the price United Airlines quoted on the same route and the same day. And with United, of course, there was the requisite plane change at Chicago/O'Hare and being shoehorned into a United Express regional jet for the last leg.

On outbound getaway day, however, I blew it. I forget to check in online early. Southwest regulars pounce as soon as the 24-hour-in-advance check-in time arrives. If you're even a few hours late, you can wind up with a boarding assignment in the high Bs or Cs and be stuck in a middle seat. No fun, especially since Southwest has added a row of seats to its Boeing 737s and that has reduced legroom to the industry-standard 31 inches from the carrier's old standard of 32 inches.

But Southwest does have several knee-saving options if you're a late check-in or don't want the hassle of logging on exactly 24 hours before takeoff. EarlyBird Check-In handles the formalities for you--so long as you're willing to part with $12.50 each way in advance. At the airport, you can buy your way to the head of the line (slots A1-A15) for $40 a segment using the Upgraded Boarding scheme.

I did and it is well worth the $40 if you plan to work on a laptop during the trip. Southwest is one of the few airlines I've found where you can pull the tray table toward you in the exit row. That gives you almost first-class comfort if you have to work.

The trademarked Southwest banter began during the boarding process. Rather than the usual pilot announcement on most legacy airlines to "sit down or step out of the aisle," a big, burly flight attendant with a puckish smile took to the mike and encouraged passengers to "look for someone attractive. Sit down. You have four hours to work on them and we have alcohol." He got a roaring laugh with that one.

Was the big guy an NFL lineman moonlighting as a flight attendant and trying out a stand-up routine? No, but close. James, I learned, is a Brooklyn kid and a retired New York cop who worked as an anti-terrorist investigator after 9/11. You'd never know it. During the flight, he tossed off witty, wry bon mots that kept us chuckling

My seatmate, Tom Murphy of Silgin Containers, was clearly entertained. "As a business traveler, I am not sure why you fly another airline except maybe for the miles," he said. "Southwest employees have a good sense of humor and seem like they enjoy their job. You don't see that on other airlines today."

Murphy had just come off a trip to North Carolina where his customers made last-minute meeting schedule changes and he was forced to rebook two flights on Delta Air Lines. "It cost me $400 in change fees plus the higher airfares plus the checked-baggage fees. Ridiculous." He also avoids United Airlines ("I won't go anywhere near O'Hare.") and shudders to think how business travelers will fare when American Airlines and US Airways merge.

He's not the only one. Another passenger on my flight, Audrey Rosen, a sales rep for a medical-supply company, says she has already "lived through four airline mergers and there is always confusion and complaints that seem endless." Rosen flies Southwest "whenever I can because the atmosphere aboard is somehow lighter." But, she admitted, "I do not like having to dash for my seat."

Keeping it "somehow lighter" was a spirited, redheaded flight attendant with baby blue eyes named Henley. Her naive innocence was a counterpoint to James's street savvy. But she had her own shtick, delivered in a coy, not-quite-come-hither voice. One memorable line: "Find yourself a comfy place, settle in for the short ride, cozy up, put on your seatbelt and give your neighbor a hug." When she got her laugh, Henley, with perfect timing, deadpanned, "I just want to make sure people are listening to me."

They are. They are also listening to dispatches from Southwest's headquarters. Chief executive Gary Kelly said the no-charge-policy for checked baggage will remain throughout 2014. After that, not even Kelly seems to know for sure. Southwest's low, low alcohol prices--$5 for cocktails, beer and wine--are still intact while the other legacy airlines are taking fatter markups from in-flight booze.

Also, I did solve a mystery. Southwest may be the only U.S. airline to sell Wild Turkey miniatures. Another personable flight attendant named Kimberly shared the secret.

"That what's Herb [Southwest co-founder, former chief executive and legendary bourbon drinker Herb Kelleher] drinks. We carry it on all flights just in case he comes aboard."

ABOUT CHRIS BARNETT Chris Barnett writes about business-travel tactics and strategies that save time and money and help minimize hassles. He is based in San Francisco and has written for a wide variety of major newspapers and national magazines.

THE FINE PRINT Joe Brancatelli makes this space available to Chris Barnett in the spirit of free speech and to help encourage editorial diversity and the wider discussion of important travel issues. All of the opinions and material in this column are the sole property of Barnett. This material may not be reproduced in any form without the express permission of Chris Barnett.

This column is Copyright © 2013 by Chris Barnett. JoeSentMe is Copyright © 2013 by Joe Brancatelli. All rights reserved.